Thursday, November 17, 2011

You go girl!


The girl has stepped up to the woman plate! Today she released the following statement:

"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation." 

I will blog about this tomorrow. Please revisit then. In the meantime, feel free to express your opinions regarding the end of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's union. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Trouble in nonexistent paradise


Ah, man. I don't even know where to start with these two. Let me start by saying that the above picture speaks volumes.

As I do, let me give a little background information about the union of Sean Penn and Madonna before I share my deepest thoughts and feelings about their relationship. For those of you that don't know, to date, Madonna and Sean Penn are categorized as one of the most toxic celebrity couples of all time. Toxic is an understatement. They were married for four very tumultuous years. Their union finally came to a halt after one abhorrent night.

The story goes a little something like this. Sean and Madonna had been fighting as usual. He went over to her house in Malibu intoxicated beyond comprehension and they started to argue. He tied her up to a chair, threatened to cut off her hair and slapped her around. He finally agreed to untie her in exchange for performing a dirty sex act. Finally, she somehow managed to escape to her car where she called the police. This ordeal lasted several hours. This was the worst of Sean and Madonna. Before that, their relationship wasn't necessarily gumdrops and lollipops. It was reported that before this incident, he once hit her over the forehead with a baseball bat.

With that background information shared, let me get into what I was going to talk about.

Can you imagine knowing these two while they were together? They were the type of couple that upon visiting, they would make you feel completely uncomfortable by arguing in front of you. Hopefully you've never had to encounter such a couple before. Unfortunately, I have.

My old roommate and his girlfriend reminded me a lot of Sean and Madonna. When I would hear them fighting through the walls of our house, I knew they were doing it for me. They wanted an audience, you see. They didn't care that it was me that they were fighting in front of or people on the streets. They got off on the fact that they were crushing each other's egos in the presence of another, for they blatantly loathed each other. So why were they together in the first place? Well, lets get back on subject, why were Sean and Madonna together in the first place?

Sean and Madonna were two huge personalities that couldn't stand being one-up'd, if you will. It was a constant battle to knock one another down. What else did they have to live for at the time? Sean was already established as an actor and Madonna was on the tipping point of making her mark in pop culture. For the two people that they were, they were perfect for each other in their own messed up way.

I like to believe that they drew ambition from one another. In any relationship, it's great to be with someone who inspires you to be all that you can. Sean and Madonna were on the high end of this concept. Finally, a point came when each realized that they could never win the battle but Sean was the one to lose his shit over the fact.

A lesson can be learned from Madonna and Sean. Your partner in life can inspire you but if it goes that far, it's time to call it quits. It will never work.

I will end by saying that domestic violence is disturbing, intolerable, deplorable and all the negative adjectives that you can come up with. Never should one be objectified to physical harm over differing perspectives in a situation.

Monday, November 7, 2011

No couch jumping for this girl, just a field of flowers


I love the mullet. 

Years ago one night, I was unable to sleep so I turned on the television where I came across a documentary on the IFC. The documentary was actually a very interesting look at Scientology. Interesting in the sense that the documentary somehow managed to portray the people featured as victims rather than crazies.  I learned lots of new things about Scientology that I had not previously been informed about by John Travolta or Jenna Elfman via interviews. There were three topics brought to light in the documentary that really grabbed my attention for different reasons. 1) There is a spaceman out there that is going to save me someday by picking me in a great big spaceship. 2) A lot of elderly people in the United States have lost their entire life savings to the Church of Scientology. 3) Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman had a great big field of flowers man made for them by workers of the church for the sole purpose of fulfilling their ultimate fantasy as a couple - running through a field of flowers while holding hands.  

I'm here to address #3 but before I do, let me give you some more details. According to this documentary, Tom Cruise had been a member of the Church of Scientology before he met Nicole Kidman. By the time they got married, she also became a follower. Because Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise, he knew the head honcho of the Church. Tom and Nicole for whatever reason shared their ultimate couple fantasy with this man and he made it a reality for them. 

Members of the church worked hard at creating a field for Tom and Nicole. Very hard. It was reported that members of the church would work rotating shifts, 24/7 until the field was complete, even working in the pouring rain. Ultimately, it was completed and Tom and Nicole flew in from wherever they were and lived out their wildest fantasy. 

The best part about this documentary was that it wasn't focused on celebrities. Tom and Nicole were just a random discussion topic that were brought up.

It's rumored that Tom and Nicole ended because Nicole wasn't as devoted to Scientology as Tom was. Whatever the reason, I don't know what to think about either of them after hearing that story. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Even playgirls get the blues


Hugh Hefner is the original P-I-M-P. Don't get me wrong. In no way do I condone the objectification of women by any means but the man is a business genius. From a $1000 loan from his mother, he created an empire out of something that that had been a taboo since almost the beginning of time - sex. He was the pioneer in the notion that sex sells and he made it work, which took a lot of determination, pizzazz, smart thinking, and good strategy. For that he deserves my respect. I respect anyone who follows through with a dream because dreams are not easy to obtain. 

I'm not hear to talk about business. I'm here to talk about Holly and Hef. For those of you that don't know, Holly was a homely looking girl from Alaska with a dream of her own. After a plane ticket to LA, a dye job, new boobs and an invite to a party at the Playboy mansion, Holly found herself in the presence of Mr. Hefner. For whatever reason, Hef was smitten with Holly and she soon became one of his his three girlfriends at the time. Then things got serious. 


Eventually, Holly became Hugh Hefner's "number one girl", aka his only girlfriend, who Hugh had committed to being in a serious, monogamous relationship with. People seemed genuinely happy for them. It was Hugh's first serious relationship since his most recent ex-wife and people seemed to really take a liking to Holly. 

To me, Holly was a great girlfriend to Hef. Sure, he's who he is and she's who she is but I personally believe that she really loved the guy. Perhaps she had ill intentions at first but I do believe that she really grew to love the man. That's a whole topic on it's own which I'm not going to get into.

What I will get into is that all Holly wanted in exchange for her love and devotion to Hugh was a ring, but more importantly some babies. She made this quite clear to both the press and to her man. She was over 30 years old and her biological clock was ticking. She also shared with the press that she would not stay in the relationship with Hugh Hefner unless he could live up to her expectations. 

Time passed and Hugh never did propose nor did he provide her children so she said good-bye. Good for her. The girl made me very proud when she did that. Obviously it must have not been an easy decision to make but she stood her ground and I was very impressed by that. 

So remember at the beginning of this post when I said that I respected Hugh? Well all that changed when he did the unthinkable. He proposed to Crystal Harris! It's funny how one's actions can overshadow all their good. 

I won't bother posting a picture of Crystal Harris as I don't think she's worthy of such an honor. So to recap, Holly and Hef were together for approximately six years. Not less than a few months later, he proposed to this Crystal girl. When I heard this my heart broke for Holly. 

Moral of story: men can be such assholes but good for Holly on not giving up on her priorities in life no matter how great she thought Hugh was. Since she was arguably successful with her dreams of making it in Hollywood, then I'm confident that she'll fulfill her dreams of becoming a mother but this time with a deserving man. 

I will end by informing those of you that don't know that Crystal Harris dumped Hugh Hefner one day before their scheduled nuptials. If that's not karma then I don't know what is. 

And for those of you thinking that maybe Hugh and Holly will rekindle, don't bother - she's too smart for that as she knows he doesn't come close to deserving a second chance with her. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The fairy tale nightmare


Have you seen this girl? Do you know who she is? If so, please contact authorities in Washington, her home state, so that they can put her into state custody of foster parents that don't allow their sixteen year old daughter to marry a fifty-one year old man and become a complete slut in the process. I don't like using the word slut, but she calls for it.

This is Courtney Stodden and she is the prime example as to why little girls should no grow up to idealize Paris Hilton and the like.

For those of you that don't know, she was a nice girl from Washington who had bad parenting and in turn ended up marrying some 51 year old actor that starred in the movie, "The Green Mile" and was on some episodes of the show, "Lost". They met because she attended a work shop that he put on and from there, they somehow ended up getting married.

This is what she looked like before she married the guy.


Courtney and her screwed up in the head husband have shocked America with their union. Why? I think it's because they feel sorry for this poor seventeen year old that is essentially being statutory raped every night. Fine, she claims that she's in love and that she happily obliged to marrying someone older than her actual Father but I don't buy it for a second.

The frontal lobe of the brain enables the average human to have the ability to recognize future consequences resulting from current actions, to choose between good and bad actions, override and suppress unacceptable social responses, and determine similarities and differences between things or events. The frontal lobe also plays an important role in retaining long term memories associated with emotions, and modifies those emotion to generally fit socially acceptable norms.

The frontal lobe does not fully develop until age 25. With that said, now we can all feel more sorry for this girl. Someone save her.  

And now, I present to you Anderson Cooper essentially agreeing with me


And finally, I present to you what the poor girl has become. A mockery. This is not funny, it's terribly sad.

The epitome of denial


I don't like Maria Schriver. There, I've said it. I think she's a disgrace to women.

Walking among us is a strange subculture of women who willingly turn a blind eye to the infidelity in their marriages. I imagine these women saying to themselves "I'm his wife, she's merely the mistress." Well ladies, that in no way justifies your husband's behavior and lack of respect for you.

For those of you that don't know Maria Schriver was married to Arnold Schwarzenegger for twenty five years. During that time, he fathered his now 14 year old illegitimate son with none other than his mistress, the nanny of the household. The nanny had been employed by Arnold and Maria for twenty years, working in their home until the scandal broke. The most disturbing fact? His illegitimate son was born less than one week after his youngest son with Maria. 

Now, I'm sorry but there is no way in hell Maria looked at her nanny's son on a regular basis and never put two and two together. Look at him.


Maria definitely knew the truth the entire time but could not admit it to herself or to others. She was too afraid to question the truth because she didn't want to have to accept it. She didn't want everyone to know that her life had come to that. I hope her 14 years of denial was worth it. I truly believe that she would have lived the rest of her days on earth accepting the dysfunction of her life if the scandal had never been exposed to the public. 

Maria is a not only a weak woman, she is a weak individual. There is an important lesson to be learned from Maria. When something is going on in your relationship that's not right, speak up and address your problems. If you don't, you will eventually become disassociated from normalcy and everyone will see that except for you. People will in turn think less of you and loose respect for you. Have respect for yourself and if your man is is so deeply involved with your nanny to the point that he's giving her babies, woman up and leave his ass. 

Maria, this is what you should have been singing to Arnold the first day you laid eyes of his love child as opposed to putting yourself in the position of seeing your husband's mistress and her son on a regular basis in your home associating with your children for 14 years. Sick. 



Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Hipster heartache

Zooey Deschanel separated from her husband today. Her husband is the lead singer of both The Postal Service and Deathcab for Cutie. I like her music more than I do his, so here you go.


The dumb jock

Do you ever feel sorry for stupid people? I do.

In the past two days I've wondered why on earth Kris Humphries ever decided to go through with his marriage to Kim Kardashian in the first place. I've come to the conclusion that it's because he thought that she was pretty and he liked having sex with her. He's 26 years old and a basketball player, what more could you expect? Ignorance is bliss.

Although I think he's stupid for obvious reasons, I also think that he's a really nice guy and it saddens me that he devoted his life to someone that didn't appreciate his good heart and kind soul.

During the E! wedding special it was a huge deal to him that Kim didn't want to legally change her last name to Humphries when they got married. As a traditional man from the Midwest, this meant a lot to him. In the end, Kim chose to keep her maiden name. Although he was greatly disappointed by this, he knew that he still loved Kim. Because he loved her so much and knew how much it meant to her to keep her name, he had custom diamond bracelet made for her to wear on their wedding day. The bracelet had two diamond K's dangling from it. This was his way of showing her that he loved her and wanted her to be happy and if that meant keeping her maiden name, he was all for it. When I saw that he gifted that bracelet to her on her wedding day, I was touched. This was a great guy I thought. Not because he gave her a diamond bracelet but because of the sentimental meaning behind the gift. I was more than appalled to see the reaction of Kim and her female family members. They ogled at the diamond bracelet because of the diamonds. I'm confident in saying that based on their reaction, none of them even took into consideration what the gift signified. People like that are so deplorable and their priorities in life are so backwards.

Think of all the girls out there that would have loved to marry Kris Humphries and been so appreciative of such a meaningful gift. Yet, he decided to waste all his love and kindness on Kim, one of the most undeserving girls out there.

The other moment that really struck me in the E! wedding special was when the couple exchanged vows. Kris wrote the most heartfelt vows. I don't remember verbatim what was said but it was something along the lines that he knew how much her family meant to her, how impressed by the person that she was, etc. Basically he said a lot of meaningful, sweet things. When it was her turn, I was embarrassed for her. She sounded like an uneducated schoolgirl trying to express her non existent emotions. Again, I don't remember what was said word for word but she basically stated that she loved him and that she thought he was cool.

Kim deserves someone as shallow as she is, if she should be so lucky. I think she'll end up growing old and alone like Paris Hilton.

Self worth

To put it mildly, I can only begin to imagine how much it must have sucked for Jennifer Lopez to have lost Ben Affleck. If they were living in the world of High School, Jennifer Lopez was the cute Freshmen that caught the eye of the hottest Senior in school, Ben. He asked her out and from there her popularity went into overdrive. He soon realized that she became more preoccupied with the attention they recieved as a couple than with their actual relationship so he dumped her ass. Like any dumped person, Jennifer was heartbroken. Everyone seemed to have felt sorry for her because she lost her dream guy. Less than three months later she shocked many when she started dating Marc Anthony. She later went on to marry Marc Anthony and bare his children. People remained shocked. Why? I think it's because everyone was stunned to realize that through her despair of breaking up with Ben Affleck, she seemed to have lost all of her self esteem.

I don't know much about Marc Anthony except from what I have read about him and what I see when I look at pictures of him - He is thin, homely and controlling. Jennifer was beautiful, wealthy and widely successful when she met him. Like Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett, it was sweet but something about it just didn't seem right.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are "It might have been." To me, the underlying message of the quote is that it's important to not settle in life. Otherwise, you will feel perplexed in life always wondering what your potential may have been if you chose not to settle for anything less than what you expected for yourself.

Like many women and men, I believe that Jennifer Lopez woke up one day realizing that she sold herself short. I don't like to bash people. I'm sure that Marc has many great qualities as a person but I just don't think that he was up to par with Jennifer and she knew that too. It just took her a while to accept that. I'm proud of Jennifer for moving on in her life leaving someone behind that she knew she would never feel fully satisfied with.

I will end by saying that I think many people out there can learn from Jennifer's mistake. Many people have experienced a break up with someone that they thought was the perfect person for them. When you're the one broken up with by a person that you perceived as ideal, it can be a major blow to your feelings of self worth. That doesn't mean that you have to settle for the gross, skinny guy that has been after you for years.

Monday, October 31, 2011

The sanctity of marriage


It was announced today that Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her husband of less than three months, Kris Humphries. For those of you that don't know, Kim Kardashian's wedding was a spectacle to say the least. The wedding was televised on the E! network and was viewed by approximately four million people. The cost of the wedding exceeded ten million dollars. Hundreds of guests, including a slew of celebrities, were in attendance to witness Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries commit to one another as man and wife for the rest of their lives. Kim Kardashian's 90-something year old Grandfather even made it out in his wheelchair to witness the momentous event. 

In the E! wedding special which documented all of the events that led up to the nuptials, it was obvious that Kim and Kris were not meant to be. He was young, immature, and to be frank, a bit of an asshole. He was rude to Kim's sister, Khloe by means of verbal assaults. He was disrespectful to Kim's Mother by locking her out of her own home. He was even rude to Kim by insulting her career ambitions. Every statement that Kris Humphries uttered was an annoyance to her family and to viewers. 

Kim however seemed oblivious and blind to his lack of charm and manners. All the girl knew was that she was getting married. 

Well Kim, have some respect for the sanctity of marriage. 

I am entirely disgusted and disappointed by this divorce. Because the wedding was so expensive? No. Because so many people were happy for you and now you've made them sad by divorcing each other? No. Because your family has to be sad and disappointed for you? No. It's because you didn't commit to something as serious as marriage whole heartily. 

Look, don't get me wrong. I understand that divorce happens. Relationships are hard. However, the divorce rate in the United States is around 50% and that is because of people like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries who don't understand morals and values much less possess them. If they did, they would understand the sanctity of marriage and try really hard to make it work or never have bothered getting married in the first place. 

I don't know Kim and Kris but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess some of the biggest issues they faced in their relationship which ultimately led to their demise. 

1) Kris wanted to settle in Minnesota, his hometown, raise a family and live a quite life. 

2) Kris wanted to start having babies yesterday.

3) Kris didn't get along with Kim's family. 

4) Kris didn't take Kim and her career as seriously as she did. 

The above issues are serious. They are issues that many couples deal with. They are issues that should be discussed before making a commitment as serious as marriage. I feel like I'm starting to repeat myself so I will end by saying that divorce is inevitable for some but with that said, I don't believe that marriage is something that you should walk into knowing in the back of your head that you can end it anytime you darn well feel like it. I suggest entering marriage believing in the vows that you take on your wedding day. Make it work the best that you can for as long as you can. Point being, I don't think you deserve to get married if you can't make it work for more than three months. Have some endurance for crying out loud!

Kris, this is your song.